Boy Moms Rising
Dear Mothers of Boys,
Like many of you, I’ve been wrestling with my emotions this week. Waves of sadness, anger, and shame have rocked me. How could something so insidious, so deplorable have happened AGAIN?
On Friday morning, I sat down with my sons (9 and 12) at the kitchen table and showed them the cell phone video of the murder of George Floyd. They were shocked. They were confused. I saw fear and sadness in their sweet, innocent eyes. And I was heartbroken that I could not rescue them from it.
I started second-guessing myself. Were they too young? Were they going to have nightmares? Did I damage them? Did I cause trauma?
But I NEEDED them to see the cruel face of hatred firsthand. They wouldn’t have believed it otherwise. How could they? How could a child possibly believe the depth of evil that man is capable of imposing on his brother? It’s incomprehensible. I NEEDED them to see the despicable ramifications of racism with their own two eyes so that what I was teaching them could take hold. We NEEDED to talk about American history and why so many are now raising their voices and fists to protest.
Up until now, I’ve tried my best to shelter my babies from sickening stories like this. Too many stories… Like most mothers, I wanted to protect them. To preserve the truths that they were born with. That ALL humans are inherently born with: To see with colorblind eyes. To love with an open heart. To act with kindness. That skin color, or any other perceived differences for that matter, means nothing. That doing the right thing is always the right thing.
But I could not shelter them from what happened in Minneapolis this week. It was too important. The time to lift the veil completely was now.
Why?
Because I know that all of our boys, along with our girls, and all of their beautiful skin tones, are the future. Our children are our hope. The hope for a better, more peaceful tomorrow. Today, underneath the heavy blanket of pain and sorrow across America, I’m clinging to our boys for hope.
Maybe I’m hopeful because I’m naive. Maybe it’s my faith or upbringing. Maybe it’s because I haven’t experienced racism firsthand. Maybe it’s because I know that I will do the work required in my own home. But maybe, just maybe, by the grace of God, it’s because I’m right. That the light of hope can shine even in times of great darkness.
To be clear… hundreds of years of systemic inequity are not going to be eradicated by hope alone. Fellow mothers of boys, this is where we come in. We must get to work in our own families and communities. I’m talking about hard work. Daily work. Gritty work. Sacred work. You know, the work that Boy Moms are built for.
I believe that mothers hold the key to real change. Lasting change. Not the lawmakers, or professors, or the brave men and women who wear a badge and serve each day with honor. Nope. It’s the moms. WE hold the future in our hands. Literally. America’s future is sitting at our kitchen tables right now eating a bowl of Fruit Loops. He’s sleeping in his toddler bed, clutching Batman in one hand and a matchbox car in the other. He’s digging for worms in our backyards. He’s shooting hoops in our driveways. He’s playing Fortnite in our basements.
We have an obligation to teach and preach the beliefs that we wish to instill. To model the behavior we expect to see. Boy Moms, it’s time to raise the bar. To expect more from ourselves. To demand better of our boys. We cannot afford to squander this opportunity.
Mothers of girls, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you! If you’re a “Girl Mom,” your role here is just as critical. You see, you’re raising the next generation of mothers of boys. The seeds of love and equality that you plant in your daughter’s hearts will grow roots that extend down to their own boys and their boys after that. What you teach and preach and model in your homes will have a powerful ripple effect.
So, moms, the time has come to roll up our sleeves and get to work more fervently than ever before. Our nation needs us. Especially our boys.
xo, MB